The Story of the Fight

This is not a funny story but one that has lasted my entire life and has colored my perceptions of my family. As mention before, I grew up with 5 of my 6 sisters. At the time of this story, most of my siblings had started families of their own. It was Christmas time, and the one time each year that all of the sisters would be in one place, my parents home. Earlier in the year my father has suffered a gun shot injury while hunting. After being hospitalize for several months, he had returned home. He was in a full body cast and his bed was located in the living room alcove. Strange when I think about it now, but that is where he was when he died many years later.


My mother has always contended that when ever all the sisters were gathered together, there would be an argument. But if one of the sisters was removed from the equation, no matter which sister, there would be harmony. This also applied to decisions. To this day, there has been only one time that we all agreed to one thing. That one time was when our father died, but that is another story. The main point is that these premises still apply to this day. Thus, on that particular Christmas the ground was fertile for a great argument.

Now I would like to reveal the players. Me, I am the Bossy one and the one who always has to have the last word. The next sister is the one who usually is the Contender. She is often in contention with me. You know the type: I will say “day”, she will say “night”. Only seldom have we both ever agreed to the same thing, idea, or situation. The next sister is the Instigator. She likes to get the ‘juices’ flowing. The next sister is the Fighter. She is the one you never want to knock down because she will get back up fighting harder than before and you will lose. She might have the worse injuries but you will not be unscathed. The youngest sister is the Badger. Once she gets hold of an idea, she will never let go. If you are in a jam, you want her on your side, for better or worse.

From the time of my parent’s first grandchild, they had been blessed with a new grandchild every year for 10 years. Since our young families was rapidly growing and my youngest sister was still young in years and therefore still living at the family homestead, the problem of purchasing gifts for all the children was getting more expensive for each of the sisters. It was suggested that the idea of drawing of names should be started. This meant that all the minor children’s names would be collected and each sister would draw names according to the number of children in each family. The problem was the decision at which point in time would the withdrawal of a child's name from the Christmas drawing occur. Believe it or not, this started one of the worst arguments in our family history.

Being that Dad was confirmed to a bed in the living room, we were all trying very hard not to have any disagreements. Any disagreement or loud voices would upset Dad and this was to be avoided at all costs. That was our mistake; we would be acting out of character and a pressure cooker situation as bound to occur. The stage was set for round 1 of this 3 round event.

Round 1: The Instigator posed a question or comment. What was said has long been forgotten, but not the fallout caused by this comment. Almost immediately I, the Bossy one and the Contender started talking, escalating to louder and louder voices. Round 2: The volume of our voices was so high that neither one of us was listening to the other person's words. The sad part of this situation was that neither one of us realized that we were both saying the same thing, just from different ends of the stick. An example of this idea: Is the cup half full or half empty? Meanwhile the Instigator has stepped back, watching the battle. She will go to the side that is victorious. The Fighter had joined the battle. She picks the stronger side, the Contender, and the Bossy one is going down for the count. The Bossy one is in the corner and she is getting verbally beaten to the pulp. She looked to the Instigator for assistance but found that this was not going to happen. Only in hindsight did the Bossy one realize that the Instigator was just there to watch the scenario unfold. The Badger was too young to join this battle. Her time would come later in the family life. But she, the Bossy one had to have the last word. It didn’t matter what that last word was, but she had to have it. The battle is lost, and the Bossy one must retreat, but she is in the corner. It is well known in the world of hunting, that the hunter must be very careful of the wounded animal especially if the animal has been cornered. That animal will attract even if it is suicide. Thus, the Bossy one attacked. She started to scream and throwing her arms around. She had to escape. The screams and the frantic flinging of the arms did the trick. The Contender and the Fighter backed away, while the Instigator would remain background. The Bossy one started to make her retreat and headed for the door.

Round 3: As the Bossy one was headed for the door, the husbands of the two main characters was now heading to the site of the greatest commotion. Both forces, the injured and the innocent were trying to get though the same door at the same time. This was leading to an impossible situation. In the speed of the Bossy one’s retreat, her footing was lost. Down the three steps to the landing below she fell, but she was not alone. Her young niece was coming up the stairs as the Bossy one started rushing down the stairs. The young niece was falling with her aunt. In a split millisecond, the aunt surrounded her niece with her body and took the full force of each step, protecting the young girl. The child was scared but had suffered no injury. The aunt or the Bossy one would suffer the events of that night for the rest of her life. Not because of any injuries, but on the realization that even though they were siblings with the same mother and father, they were all different. Sometime they would agree, but there would be a higher probability that they would not.

The lesson is two fold. The first is that it is not important who has the last word, but if the words are being understood. If the message is not being understood, it is better to walk away and face it at a later time. The second is this: never rush away from an argument in desperation. It is better to walk away a loser of the battle and return later in hopes to winning the war.